There is a perfect plan that I can not see
My new job: do what I want.
Feeling your humanity to the surface can be a painful experience. Removing the shells that isolate us from people - to risk being hurt - is not a comfortable process. Sometimes we are injured. So you have to learn to heal, it can not be otherwise.
I am Alejandra N., and before talking about my strengths and weaknesses, I want to tell you an anecdote about how I learned to know myself. When I was twenty-four, almost twenty-five, I ended a seven-year relationship with my then boyfriend. Seven fundamental years for my growth and maturation. A few days after my break, I made the decision to move to another city where I could be alone. At that time I did not have the necessary clarity to understand that, no matter what city we are in, we have to do it in the company of ourselves. No one can flee from their thoughts.
I decided to buy a video camera to record during the grieving process. The idea came to mind one afternoon while I was walking in a shopping plaza. I was not sure what I was looking for. It occurred to me to enter an electronics store and, when I least expected it, there I was, on a screen, looking at myself. I could not recognize myself, for a second I thought it was someone with a look similar to mine. Immediately I knew what I had to do: I bought the camera, I went home, I connected it and spoke in front of the lens about that whirlwind of loneliness, sadness, guilt, and anger that I experienced daily.
As time goes by I realize that I have been very accommodating - perhaps too much - with many people, especially in my relationships. I have come to feel disloyal to me in order to seek the approval of others to feel at peace. As if my life revolved around the needs of other human beings and not around my desires, dreams, and needs. There is a limit to everything, and I think that was the reason why my seven-year relationship collapsed. We crossed that limit. And I got tired
The story of my life is the story of the understanding that there is a perfect plan for every human being. It comforts me to think that there is a will that synchronizes our existence with the whole. We can not perceive it. The people of faith call him God. Others call it destiny. Whatever your real name is, I am sure that there is that magic of the universe responsible for things to happen according to a greater good.
Thanks to meditation I have learned to face unexpected situations. When I was twenty-four years old, I was far from understanding the importance of healing through introspection, breathing and the permanent search for a balance between my humanity and the universe. It has not been easy, it took a lot of trouble to learn to truly live my humanity, which meant concentrating, in good measure, on my spirituality. Right now one of the key moments of my story comes to my mind.
Time after the break with my boyfriend, I was in England when I received the news that I had been hired to work for a company in Madrid, Spain. Finally, my first job after a long search process! I was excited, so much so that I began to see life in other colors. Even though it was not a job related to my personal interests, I felt lucky.
The hiring was immediate, the next day I had to fly to Spain to start working. It's funny how life seems to hold all opportunities in one moment, and the next gives us hands full. Anyway, I prepared my suitcase for the trip, I made some calls to say goodbye to my friends and I left everything in order in England. I had to start without slopes.
I arrived at the airport without delay, to document my luggage. When I was at the counter, a redheaded, freckled young man who worked for the airline told me that my flight was delayed an hour. When he had documented my luggage, he returned my boarding pass and my passport; I asked him to verify that, indeed, my flight had been delayed, just to be sure.
"Yes, it's an hour late," he said with a distinctly British accent.
I found it funny that in the land of punctuality, a flight between England and Spain, relatively short, was delayed as much as an hour. I assumed it would be time's fault. I decided to take a walk before going to the boarding room and went to some shops, bought a sandwich and made a stopover in the bathroom with all the calm of the world. When I arrived at the boarding gate, thirty minutes in advance according to the time indicated by the redhead who was boarding, a young lady who worked for the airline informed me that they had been calling me through the loudspeaker.
"But how can that be!?" I said horrified, "If the guy who checked me in at the counter informed me that the plane was delayed, but the flight had left without me?"
They had even taken my bags from the plane.
"What time does the next flight depart?" I asked.
"All flights today are full."
"But you have to find me a place, I'm going to lose my job if I do not get to Madrid," I insisted, almost in tears of despair.
"I can not do anything for you, I'm sorry," he replied nonchalantly.
But it was his colleague's fault, he told me that the flight was delayed! I argued and I described the young redhead to locate and verify that everything he said was true, but, to my surprise and deep amazement, the girl replied that there was no one with those characteristics working on the airline.
I started to cry with anguish in front of the airline staff, who looked at me with fear that I would make a scandal that could cost them a warning or, worse, a demand. They asked me to take a seat in the room and wait a moment to see what they could do for me. Moments later they confirmed that there were no available places on any of their flights. Stop mourn. I tried to connect with myself, with my emotions. There was something more than anguish behind the fact of missing the flight, the cost that implies, or the feeling of failure that I experienced when I learned that my first job was in danger due to an error of the airline, which they were not willing to assume. I was not only crying for these reasons. There was something else, hidden under the immediate emotions. Actually, I was distressed by the idea of dedicating myself to something that did not excite me, I felt that I was betraying myself when I accepted the job. It had happened so fast that I did not have time to assimilate it until I sat in front of the boarding gate.
In a matter of hours, I had to make a 180-degree turn in my life to travel to Madrid. It was happening again on me, sacrificing a lot by accepting the offer; friends and dear people. Right there, in front of that boarding gate that never opened, I realized that from the moment I accepted the offer, instead of expanding my soul, I felt contracted, crushed by a huge weight every time I thought about work. So, like a crazy woman, I suddenly wiped my last tears and started to laugh. I knew I was liberated, full of happiness when I realized how life had played a joke on me, a great joke for me to understand that I was not bound to anything, but to fulfill my dreams. If a job did not satisfy me, I had the right to reject it and keep looking for something according to my wishes. At that moment I felt full of gratitude to the universe, to know that I was being guided.
I immediately went back to the airline counter and asked for a ticket to Los Angeles. There was not the redhead. I was attended by another person, when he checked my registry he gave me the news that the airline would give me a discount due to the confusion that had occurred before.
We must learn to flow with the rhythm that life imprints on our path. Again and again I have witnessed that there is a perfect plan that I can not see, but I feel it. Living with my humanity to the surface is the philosophy that I follow. Learning to heal and be open to what life gives us, that is my way of being in the world. Sometimes it is difficult, but also wonderful.