How I discovered my Soul
I think it is possible to be more than what we have been accustomed to be. It is enough just to look inside to land your feet in our powerful reality. That is when we can deal with any problem.
I would love to be more patient with the people around me. Above all, with those I love.
Sometimes I can be very impatient, I like to move fast. It must be because I am a willful woman, which I do not necessarily see as a defect, because it suddenly has its advantages to take the will to the extreme, when certain situations merit it. If I smile when I admit it, it's because after so many trials that life has given me, at 42, I feel confident that I can get ahead in any circumstance thanks to that tenacity.
When I was little I looked in the mirror, I was attracted to the other side, to the reflection, to what I saw and, in a certain way, it seemed to be something foreign. I looked at my arms, my legs, my own eyes, and I thought there had to be something else. I felt, and in the depths of my being I knew, that there was something beyond what I saw. That's how I discovered my soul .
My soul connects with the best of me and the world, it is my bridge to the universe. Now I know, but for many years I was tortured by the idea that we were only flesh and bones. Who knows how many people I discussed when I was young about the soul and how it relates to the world. I've always been very sensitive to what's happening around me, maybe that's why I was so shocked to see myself in front of the mirror. Now that I think about it, it was my way of knowing myself.
My sense of humor has improved over the years and it impacts me when I realize that, perhaps most people, no matter how long they have lived, never manage to improve their mood. I am not sorry to say it: I laugh at so many things that sometimes it seems that I take everything as a joke and that is when I am invaded by a certainty that few have dared to share: my laughter is my miracle.
Of course, sometimes - in fact, many - it takes work, because one does not is to put a good face on life at all times. Those of us who like to laugh, also give us our bad times. I try to tell my children to enjoy life, and I constantly tell them that loving is the most important thing that can happen to them. Not only do I tell them, I try to prove them, sometimes consciously, although most of them spontaneously. They, surely, realize it, they feel it when we joke, when I embrace them and I breathe glued to their humanity. And, again, if something makes me happy, it is that they laugh, because laughter is a catharsis, a way of being free.
It's funny how that sensation that appeared in me when I looked at myself in the mirror, mute, now comes back to me every time I reflect on them, every time I discover their reactions, their gestures, their words, the resemblance. In those moments is when I tell them how much I love them.
When at night I take a breath before going to sleep, it happens that I concentrate on myself, it is another way to reach my soul; I feel free without having left my body. It is a kind of flight, as if it were made of something light. In those moments is when I most enjoy the silence, I become aware of my breathing, it is as if my whole body knew that it is here, present, in life. It is such a powerful feeling that sometimes I forget about the rest of things.
I think that, if it were not for my children, I would live more submerged in this whole internal universe, in silence, yes, in that flight that I did not want to finish. But they bring me back to reality, and I like to put my feet back on the ground, to return to the here and now . And yes, in large part I owe it to my family, they land me. Being a mother, and also sharing life as a couple, I have learned to work in a team, to be supportive and, above all, to have faith. Perhaps this last, faith, contrasts with the fear that one can sometimes feel by the mere fact of knowing oneself alive.
I would like to have control of what surrounds me, of the surprises that life brings us. But the truth of things is that life takes us by surprise. That's why I try to be prepared, open to any circumstance to turn it around. I like to think that, faced with an unexpected situation, we must open all the doors of possibility. You have to know how to improvise, especially when you have children.
Sometimes you just have to have faith that everything will be fine, like the time I lost my favorite ring. I felt sad, angry, frustrated and even guilty for having left it I do not know where, I tried to find it, I looked for it everywhere, but it was irretrievably lost. Three days later, when I had no hope of recovering it, it appeared in a Facebook post and it was returned to me by the person who found it.
If only life were like a ring.