I kept myself present, in a permanent attempt to calm my peace, to calm my mind, to stabilize the sensations of my body, all this in the midst of absolute terror, of the most extreme uncertainty, of not knowing if you are going to move forward or if everything is ending. So I tried to stay in the present, even though my thoughts went from one place to another, as well as my feelings, sensations and emotions. Despite the fear I tried to stay there, conscious, in my best possible version. I went to the parts of me that were aligned, it was very clear how I sought to connect with the earth, to literally connect with the people that anchored me to life, and that, despite the complicated situation, I found fascinating.
It was already night when I approached the airport in Los Angeles for the flight that would take me to Fresno to meet with the production team that worked on audiovisual pieces for an important Vena-Cava project. The route between both Californian cities is very little commercial, so the ships are those that look like mosquitoes. From before I got on I already felt a strange sensation, not that we were going to have an accident, much less, but that I sensed that a story would happen there or I would meet someone, I did not know, but I knew something unusual would happen. All my levels of consciousness were alert, like sitting in the cinema already with popcorn in hand. Even, before taking off I stood for a moment and began to look for a familiar face among all the passengers, to see if by chance I found one that would calm that concern that did not allow me to think at that moment about something else, because I usually do a lot Case to my intuition.
We had been flying for twenty minutes when, suddenly, the flight attendant was eclipsed from the cockpit and approached the first passengers she met, I among them, absolutely pale and broken. Hyperventilating, almost unable to speak, with his eyes lost in I do not know where and holding with one hand from the compartment of the suitcases so as not to lose the little balance that was left, as he could, he spoke: "We are not going to do it, we will not arrive, help me to tell others, let's try to go back to Los Angeles. " Then there was a silence that broke quickly because of the fear and nervousness of the passengers. It was clear that the plane was in danger. When the mortified woman turned around back, I could see her legs trembling. I looked through one of the windows, but could not distinguish anything strange, no obvious sign that we were in danger, there was no fire, there was nothing outside and not inside.
A man from India, sitting just to my right, looked at me and smiled nervously at me too, when, at the same time, the harsh and almost lugubrious voice of the captain was heard by the horns of the airship: "The captain speaks. We will try to return to LAX and save as many as we can. There the security teams are prepared for this kind of situation, so let's trust, but in the meantime you help each other; try to remember the emergency instructions and, if possible, study the leaflet of forced landings. Above all, be calm and help each other. "
In a matter of seconds an immediate response of adrenaline, anxiety takes over me, I lose my breath, I begin to experience a suffocating heat in my body, inside and outside, facing the terrifying reality of I am not in control, it seems that I would have to have this overcome and not, I always have to explain again to my body that we are well, and that this well-being does not depend on everything being under control. What better place to be out of control than on airplanes. "Save as many as we can ?!" I repeated in my head without fully believing what was happening. The beauty of experiencing the many aspects within me, such as emergency board calls, all simultaneously, and each with its nature. My thoughts calibrating between the present information and that of my files of what this means, ideas, calculations, memories, predictions. My emotions between what I received from material of my mind and the adrenaline of my body, I felt fear and sadness and anguish and also honor to be with these people at this moment My body, rather contracted, very uncomfortable because when I neglect myself in situations of this nature, stopped breathing.My individual being, aggrieved but calm, piles, I knew I was ultimately good whatever happened. My interdependent being expanded to see how it could be of service and it was this that awakened the process of calm through this stressful situation. How powerful is the spirit of service, truly, it is clear that turning to this consciousness is the act of highest individual benefit, yes, upon entering the consciousness that for me and for all my companions, my body calmed down, my breathing it became deep and my brain relaxed, my whole body directed the adrenaline to a purpose, I did not attack myself but had much more battery and with it strength to start my skills to respond and participate in the group in which I am here and now. This makes me present in a reality of unconditional love and harmony that called continuity, which originates and culminates in the heart of God, where I live.
My thoughts, emotions, my body, and everything else acquired a unique and particular sound, each one, in a chaotic symphony, but symphony at the end.
Every time I get on an airplane I pay attention to what surrounds me, since I have memory I have had a theme with airplanes. As I said, from the beginning I suspected that something was about to happen, but here among us, I feel like this almost every day, as curious and excited about what the day holds. In this case it was strange because I felt like someone who was carrying a message was waiting for that strange energy that I felt to take shape. I love and celebrate those moments where life gives us the opportunity to recognize and integrate this line of communication so important, so fundamental and basic of intuition, how relevant it is to hear and participate responsibly with and from it. Knowing how to recognize the authentic voice of inner wisdom and that of our personal preferences, fears, attachments and others like that.
How difficult when things take an unexpected turn! When you think that it is going to hold you, it vanishes and you go free fall with it. So I became that plane in a cat clinging to a curtain that no longer resisted my weight, with the nails barely stuck in life, a helpless being who sees how, little by little, everything is going to succumb irremediably. Usually, in a crisis situation, I immediately turn to see who is supposed to be my point of support that physically everything is in order, that in this case should be the overcharge, that person who is there to help you and transmit confidence. So when I saw her tremble like spaghetti, I had no one to hold on to; the fear on his face confirmed that we were lost. This is not new for me, in many occasions I was looking for the certainty that everything is fine with adults around me and what I found was evidence that there were dangers lurking and imminent permanently. Sometimes I think that my subject of not being totally credulous of the authority, has to do with that in a number of occasions it has had to change the history, open steps, find the possibility of light and life, cross those limits, those glass ceilings that are sometimes the work of authority. In this case in which I felt at my most vulnerable point because I was always afraid of airplanes, the fact of staying calm when there is no certainty that everything will be fine, talking about my body and physical and human experience It was an extraordinary exercise that put my work to the test and with great joy reported that it works, in cases of emergency.
My mind, my emotions and my body were involved in the seven breaths and the serene part inside me singing the mantra with which I do spiritual exercises. That day was transcendental, because I could live in my own flesh what I believe in, and I experienced myself in all my possible states.
Meanwhile, in the adjoining seats, a Latina woman who, prior to the emergency warning, kept talking in a shrill voice, as if she wanted all the crew and passengers to know about her life, now, in the midst of terror, shouted: " Jesus the Lord ... Jesus the Lord ... ", as if he were singing a chorus. Beside her, a young American woman, did not stop drinking. A man in the same row but on the other side of the narrow corridor, repeated incessantly, like a fatal mantra, "This is no good ... this is no good ...", as if the rest of the passengers did not know that we were in a situation apparently irremediable. At that time it all looked like the surprise film of a movie.
It passed through my mind to tell Emilio, my ex-husband, that life is something dynamic, that we are alive, that it has to be updated, that we have to adapt to what is happening. The most sympathetic of the scene was that I wanted to leave a selfie to my son that "I left" in peace: I take my picture and I see it and like I saw one eye much bigger than the other, and wrinkles that do not I had noticed, under the circumstances and all the chaos around me, I decided to take another selfie for my children to stay with that photo in which "I went in peace and very beautiful." I love this part of the story because it shows the foolishness and the depths and the fear and the service and all that we are simultaneously, not linearly, and chronologically, but all at once.
It is not easy to connect a call from an airplane to more than seven thousand meters in height, but it happened. Emilio better than anyone knows what can happen to me on board a plane, because in more than one trip together I experienced panic attacks, and to reassure him I forced him to look me straight in the eye, without taking his eyes away from mine for a second. It was the only thing that calmed me when my torrent of anxiety equaled twenty-four expresses in my veins. At the least distraction he repeated incessantly that for no reason should he turn his eyes away from mine, that he please not close his eyes, not even for a blink. The poor man came to a time when he could not resist, he fell asleep and I woke him up so he could see me. Sometimes I had to endure my crises up to eleven hours, depending on our destiny; all crazy.
My emotions can reach limits of intensity with which it is difficult to think and act. Between so much that came to my head, I clearly noticed something: that overflowing through every pore of the body is the natural movement of energy and also the opportunity to learn to direct it in a sustainable way; what I call SERVICE.
Life are moments that pile up and form paths. They play so many live lines simultaneously, everything can happen and anyone can be a conduit of whatever, miracles, heroic acts as well as explode, commit nonsense, hurt or hurt what they want most, verbally, emotionally and even take them to jail. What a truly profound compassion because, on many occasions, the opportunities and alternatives to learn to handle a crisis seem to be a privilege, and it could be called that, however it is not a privilege related to any economic situation, any culture, no religion. It is about the privilege of knowing HERE and NOW fully and totally, permanently safe, a kind of faith. Know yourself loved and love, human to human, heart to heart, to act from that equanimity. How can we be present in our experience at all levels in difficult and desperate cases. Liberation beyond freedom, no matter what happens the experience of abundance, of essential continuity, that greater than me, greater than any chaos, that which, no matter what happens, remains.
Connect with that total force and breathe: little by little readjust and calibrate the consciousness from the space of compassion in equanimity. I could see my thoughts as the forced landing approached, so I was present at that moment through my body to act and react with all my presence, with all my resources and skills.
Well, returning to the plane, Emilio was still on the line, I heard him repeat "Brace Clau ... Brace", I heard him but I did not listen until my seat neighbor touched my shoulder and said "Brace madam Brace ...", what a stressful voice, what an uncomfortable moment, the pilot, at the top of his lungs "Brace Brace Brace".
"Prepare for the impact !, because we were landing at hundreds of kilometers per hour without certainty of what was coming. That seemed like the climax of the movie starring women and men from all latitudes. I shrugged as much as I could and closed my eyes, I knew that everything was fine, that of course my body as one of my children felt very uncomfortable and afraid, I could embrace this part of me and calm her, assuring me that I was in everything and the highest of me there with me. That my part with fear and anxiety was not alone, that I would always be there to protect her, I spoke to myself and I treated myself just as I would with any of my children. Something powerful that put a smile from the bottom of my soul in my face, as if in this way the danger would pass by without hurting me, and instead of a devastating impact, I felt the usual blow of the wheels against the track of landing. The plane shuddered and began to slow down. What a moment, all silent, except the Latin woman who shouted, "Thank you Jesus the Lord, only you know when and how." Truly I am a Believer.
It gave me so much joy to feel integrated, as a kind of celebration of welcoming the prodigal son, to my prodigal parts, welcome and forgiveness. What a strange combination of elements.
"And what are we going to do with this second chance ?! That life does not stay the same. " I shouted, moving the energy, breaking a silence that seemed, more than the end of a story, the beginning of an epic adventure.
Crew and passengers began to laugh and cry, alternating with expressions of thanks and applause for the captain and his co-pilot. Immediately addressed the emergency personnel, dressed in black as the Men in Black, who ordered the descent of the crew and passengers to ask them some questions. I had my suitcase with me so I did not wait another minute and went home, without waiting for more news from the airline. I remained silent for two days, as if my nervous system was deflating because of the strong emotions I had experienced and could not utter the slightest sound. During that time I reflected on how sometimes we resign ourselves to sink, when in reality we can save ourselves. Nothing is written, even if others say otherwise, and every day is an opportunity, so what are we going to do with it? That life does not stay the same.