The magical idea that sells the propaganda of Disney and all those places, the happy family with laughter, the idea of memories that I do not have and that I imagine would be very nice to have.
I do not like the crowds around shopping or queuing to access whatever, I do not like to be pushed, I do not like to push. The tunnels inside the games, the games, rather nightmares, heavy jokes and very bad I do not like anything at all, but I'm here because I think it's part of supporting my children in having a full life and full of different opportunities.
We choose, consciously or unconsciously, even when we give up our voice and vote and not choosing is to choose or allow this dynamic. Within us we have absolutely all the responsibility to choose. How important it is to observe, neutrally and curiously, because we are walking towards the dark cave from which our search begins. And I wonder how I can integrate myself from humility, responsibility, compassion and will, how can I take my place in the universe, nothing more or less.
We have scarcely traveled half the line to access the Magic World of Harry Potter, a theme park at Universal Studios, in California. A part of me is exhausted and above all annoyed, to the limit of my patience. When we finally enter, my children do not stop talking, at times I think they are possessed with all those energies of all those people who go online sweating together through those long dark corridors that simulate the corridors between the magical and the ordinary. Will it be the sugar in the sweets that I agreed to buy on the way to the park? Are they affected and distracted or rather am I? It must be an overload of the senses by all those characters dressed in magician robes moving their wands, lights and lasers, mechanical games that spin in infinite spirals, or candy popcorn, or all; by God, what confusion inside me, and getting darker and hotter and more uncomfortable this wait.
I look around me, hundreds of people crowded, almost all seeing their cell phones, competing in chaos to enjoy a little more chaos, of course, a predictable and organized, the thing is that need to experience adrenaline, intensity, predictability even in such discomfort , FEEL. It is clear to me that I am incredibly sensitive and I have to be very, very focused on being calm, always, much more in this type of situation, where the crowds seem like unpleasant and endless labyrinths. It is clear that reality is what it is and everyone interprets it as it can.
Outside people usually enjoy, pay for these activities, which for me are deliberately a punishment. It is interesting to see that we operate at so many levels simultaneously. In this kind of circumstances I realize how something inside of me feels so aggrieved, for falling into this routine of following patterns of what in some publicity, someday I saw, of what a happy childhood is. A part of me feels so irritated, so completely misaligned that it uses all kinds of survival mechanisms available. Eat, drink, fight, buy anything, it does not matter. If by itself it was already uncomfortable, once these mechanisms were put into motion, now the mother of all the chaos emerges within me. Every man for himself!
This is a very simple example and yet a perfect metaphor for many events in my life, expectations and disappointments, rewards and punishments, living or dying; thus I lived for many years, evading myself and on many occasions putting myself in extremely uncomfortable situations, always in a search of what I imagined would be the corrected version (for me, of course) of my life.
Every time I was careless, I entered into a kind of functional panic attack, a kind of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that I only noticed myself. In order to survive, I got used to being very good at following and continuing in spite of what it was, and this included putting up with the inconveniences, in many of the occasions it was not evident to me the degree of contraction in which I was, in some level of consciousness, a state of emergency that justified the misalignment of my path towards the rescue of what that part defined as fatal danger.
I had to lose all control, all the humility that comes from it, and most importantly, the time, to find the determination and commitment within me and align myself to overcome these dysfunctional habits that kept me afloat, yes, but in a puddle of tears of generations and generations.These thoughts are not linear or chronological, much less logical, but they are mine and nothing gives me more pleasure than to share in all authenticity whatever may be of service, little by little.
The most complicated and immediate, the humility of letting go a way of being, thinking and living obsolete and obsolete. The easiest but very slow, unlearn to manage my energy in ways so destructive to me and those around me, because in my experience that part that suffers, feels truly drowning and with the right to do what is necessary to survive.
This is where I think it makes a difference to have tools and to have the certainty that there is simultaneously a space of harmony and balance where we can take the equanimity and strength that we ultimately seek with these coping mechanisms. That's why I AM and BLOG IAM and VENA-CAVA and everything about HUMAN SUSTAINABILITY.
These coping mechanisms that help us to survive this type of internal chaos, somehow become sophisticated and transformed into habits that we later lose sight of and confuse with our own identity, because they are already so deeply rooted that they form a kind of ecosystem. It seems to me that it is so difficult to overcome addictions to a great extent because in the depth of consciousness there are close links between moments that a part of us can not bear and that which seems to alleviate despair.
Inside me, this kind of moments, which for each one are different, ignite a series of warning signals, which my central nervous system receives as an emergency. However, my response, thanks to being committed to updating my consciousness at all levels and in all senses, has been improving little by little. All these tools first of all I use them in my day to day; I am committed to expanding that space between stimulation and reaction, to take my space in the universe, no more and no less, and to flow in consciousness towards Human Sustainability , where my wellbeing and that of my group are oneself and are always aligned with the very good.
The rivers of people lead us to a new attraction. I can hardly react. My children are with me, I keep an eye on them, I am attentive at all times. Restless I make an effort not to lose control. I breathe, I focus on the moment, but the anguish that causes me to be in this place and not in the country workshop with my children, as I had planned, blocks me. I am no longer the mother who directs, who teaches, who guides her children. I am one more passenger in a machine that I do not control. I feel a jolt that presses my insides, the pull of gravity is not enough to plant me in the moment, I'm disheveled. Cries of emotion in the background, I find myself headlong, a second later I am standing, spinning at full speed in a sort of basket, absolutely nervous and worried that one of my children could shoot out of the attraction at any moment.
Since I was 10 years old, I have been given all kinds of diagnoses with the autoimmune system, I think the discussion that was first the chicken or the egg applies impeccably with this issue. Today, I behave so well that it has been easy for me to take the pulse of my system and collaborate with it.
Today it is clear to me that it is possible to improve and update our own lives and even the way in which we have integrated our history. All the magical powders, blessings, intentions, lotions and potions, all that, whatever helps, however what made me the difference, or where I know I actively participate is in the awareness of responsibility and great will and commitment to be present in my own life. That is not so easy for everyone.
All my love and compassion to all, and to so many for whom the simple is complicated, a hug embraced and full of comfort, encouragement. It is clear to me that we come to this life, to do our bit and participate with the evolution through us, leaving us better alternatives in all senses to the following generations.
So little by little from an authentic self-esteem, from our health at all levels, from our integrity at all levels, we are inspired to be creative and educate ourselves with the imminent need to take care of the planet. Knowing and taking care of our energy frequency and, with it, the quality of all the levels of consciousness in which we participate, being aware of how this impacts us individually and becomes the pulse of the collective we form, our great human family. It is important to know ourselves valuable, relevant, realize and take responsibility for our internal ecology, stay in peace and avoid intoxicating ourselves individually or collectively.
Anyway, again back to Harry Potter, it was definitely not my plan to spend the day surrounded by tumults, children, wands and masters dressed as wizards on a hot day, to enter a game where the fun is in being turned upside down by a mechanical piston and fired at full speed on a rail, plunging into the jaws of a dragon that spits fire.
I take the decision to concentrate, to feel my heart rate and to breathe in unison, to create a space of grace and certainty. The condemned machine still goes round and round, even so, I get hooked on life with all my strength. I find the source of my resistance. I breathe again and align myself with the present. At last I begin to calm down, it does not take long for this thing to stop. As soon as that happens I will explain to my children that we should behave as a family, responsibly towards each one of us, without putting our desires above the other, with love.
It's not my idea of fun, but nothing has to do with the game, or Harry Potter, or the tumults, or the lines, or the heat. This type of lines braid an ecosystem that my body recognizes as dangerous. What is an amusement park for some, for me it is a park of tension and a lot of internal work. In addition to looking for the balance in my interior, be aware of my children. Oh yes, one moment, all this was about my children, I remember. I took them to be very happy, they were screaming since we entered, that was fatal. I use this day, as I could use any other, to sacrifice what is really here and now for me, pretending to be there and then it costs me dearly. The space between one experience and another is linked by an insecure and vulnerable suspension bridge where I have fallen a number of times, however I did not know I could have another story, I did not know that even I could write my own story. Today I know and it's what I live to share.
Everything happens so fast that it is difficult to adapt to the moment, I tell myself that my territory and that of my children, our desires and personalities, should not be confronted. That our relationship has to be dynamic and always updating ourselves to who we are here and now.
Today I used a metaphor with my children emphasizing that our love is greater than how we feel one with respect to the other in difficult times and yet our personality is a wonderful way to which we have to align and with all the love and compassion observe and update. As the shoes adjust to the foot, the foot grows and the shoes change, it is not the same to walk in the mud as in the snow or on the beach, each of the lands has shoes that suit it better, in this case, we we are that foot and the relationships those shoes that have to go adapting to who we are and not vice versa, stop growing to keep using the same shoes.
Children grow, change, build their personality, and from a certain point you have to learn to live with them as individuals. I am also changing, I feel different and that being a mother requires the ability to cope with the days in a balanced and balanced way to offer good alternatives.What a good inspiration to love all of me, to grow all the parts that resisted to follow, out of fear or pain. My children taught me that within me lives the most complete and absolute love, thanks to them today I love myself as I love them, today I love and I exist from that love.